Is All Hope Lost?
This is my first attempt at ranting without rhyming – let me know what you think!
“If I was rich, would I be happy? Probably not.”
I feel utterly, inescapably trapped by society; a cage of expectation and currency keeping me completely enslaved into a life I’ve never wanted. This isn’t human, this isn’t ‘just how things are’, this is a systematic poison bleeding into my life with only one potential cure in sight. If I was rich, would I be happy? Probably not. If I could live a life free from reliance on 8 hours a day of mindless drudgery; 5 days a week of fury at an alarm that ruins every single morning it invades; 48 weeks a year of the same monotonous cycle, feeling like the great serpent eating its own tail until nothing is left; perhaps free from that, happiness is possible? And yet, to be free from this, one must be rich. The cycle of self-fulfilling misery continues: I have neither the motivation nor the capital to try to escape, and desperately despair at the impossibility created by the thoughts I so badly need to brighten, and the situations they both cause and prevent.
“Shelter is not an investment opportunity, nor is it simply a vector for banks to sell extortionate loans to a struggling majority”
Why should I accept this world? When it punishes the ‘unproductive’ (who decides what’s productive?). ‘Productivity’, this word thrown in all spheres of life to determine who deserves money and who deserves to die destitute; is it so wrong to allow human souls to live a life they choose, provided for only in the most basic sense? Why do I need to buy a home? Shelter is not an investment opportunity, nor is it simply a vector for banks to sell extortionate loans to a struggling majority; so why do we just accept this? Why are we not marching the streets, demanding what we’re due? Corporate profits rise exponentially at the expense of our everyday lives’, but no one seems willing to care. Is it too horrifying to even entertain these thoughts? Perhaps that’s why it causes such misery in those that do.
“I don’t understand them, this ‘get on with it’ attitude to utter and complete misery”
Something has to change for me, and soon. Changing jobs seemed to work for a while, until the cracks show again and the thought of slaving to make someone else wealthy brings in the darkest of thoughts. I look around my office at the content little faces tapping away on their keyboards, discussing the most pointless and mundane topics as if any of us give a single iota of care about each other. How can they be content? I don’t understand them, this ‘get on with it’ attitude to utter and complete misery. Is there some secret I’m missing out on? This makes me feel broken, unworthy, unwelcome; yet simultaneously more intelligent, more aware; above these robots being herded like sheep through 50 years of work (if anyone born after 1980 will ever see retirement!); of saving the few pennies you’re left with at the end of each month for some goal that might happen when your bones have dissolved and you need 24/7 care; of being grateful to spend 4 weeks in the year doing something you want to. Is this really what we all think ‘life’ should be?
“every single construct in our lives is designed to keep us downtrodden and feeding the wealth of billionaires hiding on islands immune to social responsibility?”
It’s all just one big con isn’t it? Work for scraps, to buy food that poisons you, to run a car giving you cancer, never able to truly save up for that rainy day that we’ll never see once the mushroom clouds have burned out our retinas. It seems like madness – conspiratorial ramblings from the unheard and angry – but it’s difficult to belay these thoughts, when the world grows more insane by the day: a madman occupies the most powerful position in the world, with an itchy trigger finger on nuclear warheads; racism runs rampant as a new wave of nazis grows ever more powerful; once welcoming, forward-thinking countries are shutting their borders and ears to the world and the needs of their own people. I don’t blame ‘immigrants’ for stealing minimum wage jobs – I just want a fair minimum wage. Am I lazy? Most likely. Am I selfish? Definitely. What else can we be, when every single construct in our lives is designed to keep us downtrodden and feeding the wealth of billionaires hiding on islands immune to social responsibility? Sometimes I think I have all the answers, sometimes I think ‘if only I just do this, everything will get better for me’; this fact alone is depressing – why can’t it be better for us all?
“the belief that you alone seem to be so affected by this system, that servitude comes so easy to others; is eviscerating.”
The truest and most heartbreaking frustration of all, is the reaction in general circles these thoughts receive. ‘I don’t care about politics’, ‘There’s nothing you can do’, ‘It’s not that bad’; the belief that you alone seem to be so affected by this system, that servitude comes so easy to others; is eviscerating. Those who do offer support, who sympathise, pass on gems of knowledge such as ‘start your own business’ or ‘save up for a while to do what you enjoy’; but when there feels like no escape, no salvation from your entire world, anything other than its, or your, complete annihilation just feels like trying to stop a tsunami with a paper cup.